Behind Blue Eyes
by Depphead
Summary: A very emotional take on what really happened in the jungle...what if Ethan didn't hang Charlie? 1 chapter, rated PG for material. Please RR!


**_Behind Blue Eyes- A SongFic_**

_What if Ethan didn't hang Charlie? Read this different take on what could have happened in the jungle on that unfortunate day...(oh and BTW it starts off a little sudden/random...use your imagination.)_

**_Unfortunately I don't own Lost, Charlie, Dom, or the TOTALLY AWESOME song I used in the story. Blah. Don't sue- just review._**

* * *

"LET HER GO!" Charlie screamed.

Ethan sighed. "You know what, Charlie? You are making too much of a distraction. The others are on our trail…" He snapped his fingers as the other man, who approached Charlie. Charlie gulped and sank a little. Ethan's assistant raised the butt of his rifle, and slammed it squarely into Charlie's temple. For a moment, his vision went purple and blurry. Then everything went black.

He awoke, God knows how many hours later. He was alone, wet, and in terrible pain. Claire and Ethan had vanished, and Charlie was overcome with guilt and white-hot anger. He had no clue where he was, or how to get back to the caves. He reached up and gripped his throbbing forehead; when he removed his hand finally, his palm was covered in blood. He wiped it away and started to wipe the blood off his forehead with the cloth in his pocket. He walked around a bit, scanning the jungle surrounding him. Nothing seemed familiar.

_Why does it matter? _he thought. _If I try to get back on my own, I'll die in the process. Even if I do make it, life is nothing without her… _He slumped over and began to weep; when he felt something brush across the top of his head. Charlie looked up to see several vines swinging above him. He wiped his tears and stood up. _This is pointless…life is nothing. I'm never going to see her again. I failed. I failed Claire, I failed the baby, and I failed myself. _He let out a gasping sob and grabbed one of the vines, holding it before him and gazing at it with tearful eyes. Several more drops glided down his cheek as he looked up into the tree to see how high the vines went. The words flooded his mind:

_I failed Claire…I failed Claire…I failed Claire…_

_No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes_

He sucked in his breath and started to climb the tree. The decision was made up in his mind. When he reached a branch of adequate height, he pulled the vine closer to him, and with more gasping sobs, started to tie several vines around his neck. His breath was faltering as he looked down to the ground below; almost 15 feet from his perch. He sat for a moment and cried, his mind and heart aflutter. Finally, he came to a decision. He stopped crying and started to scoot out of the tree branch. He stopped when he remembered a conversation he'd had one night with his brother in a pub, so many years ago.

* * *

"Hey Charlie, you hear about those guys who hung themselves?"

"There's lots of guys who've killed themselves that way, Liam."

"No, I mean the ones in the paper this morning. Yeah- their eyeballs were all stuck out and red…they almost exploded. Sickening stuff, especially when their friends found them. I'd hate to have to find someone like that…"

* * *

_No one knows what it's like  
To be hated  
To be fated  
To telling only lies_

Charlie reached in his pocket and removed a black cloth from it and tied it around his head, just above his eyes. If anyone ever did find him, God forbid, at least they wouldn't have to see him in a gruesome state. He sucked in his breath, took hold of the ropes above his head firmly.

_But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be_

_I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free_

He angrily remembered being in hit the back of the neck and head with what seemed like a baseball bat when Ethan first found them in the jungle. It didn't knock him out entirely, but he could barely move. His mind and reflexes were like jell-o. He remembered Claire's frightened screams and whimpers as Ethan put a gun to her head and led her away as another man dragged Charlie- still incapacitated- by the collar through the lush forest. The only thing going through his mind then was to protect Claire. To keep her safe. And to eliminate Ethan at all costs.

_No one knows what it's like  
To feel these feelings  
Like I do  
And I blame you._

"Heavenly father.." he mumbled, hot tears streaming down his face once again. "Please forgive me for what I am about to do…for Claire." He looked up into the sky with a tear-stained face and reddened eyes, looking for some kind of sign. The whole world seemed to stop around him. He looked back down and sobbed, clenching his fists and staring at the ground far below. He slid the makeshift blindfold down over his eyes; they soaked up the tears, but his face remained red. He clenched his teeth and fists one last time.

_No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain and woe  
Can show through_

_But my dreams_

_They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be_

And he shoved himself off the branch. He was still partly holding himself up, gripping the vine. His mind was screaming at him to back out, but there was no turning back. His feet desperately kicked for any ground, any branches, anything that was no longer there now.

_No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man…_

Finally, he let go, giving full weight to his neck. He kicked and twitched for a few more minutes before finally going limp.

_To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes…_


End file.
